Love, Marriage, and Children...Continued

I'm back to continue this topic after about 19 months. I asked the question, "where am I now?" Well, as of December 29, 2011 I will officially be divorced. During ten years of marriage, I definitely lived and learned. I'm actually in a good place, but still trying to wrap my head around the whole idea.

What happens when happiness turns into hell? You believe your in love, get married and it's not quite what you thought it would be. You try and try, work hard on being a better person, try to cater to your spouse and nothing seems to work. It's time to call it quits for me and my husband.

Now, I'm going to take it somewhere you might not expect. I can't sit here and bash my husband, well I can, but I won't! I'll disclose my part in all of this. When I got married, I wasn't truly in love with my husband. I honestly settled for him. A brief history on my life is this;

As a child, I had self esteem issues. I always thought I was a "funny looking" kid. I spent most of my life hanging out with my older brother and his friends, so I've only had 2 boyfriends in my life and married the second one. My first boyfriend I believe I was in love with. I still can't seem to shake him, but he passed away in May of 2000. Met my husband in December of 2000 and we married October 2001. Way too fast if you ask me now. So because he was someone who payed me the least bit of attention, I went along with whatever he said. Was I truly in love with my husband, I really can't say.

I'm at a place now where trust is an issue. I don't believe what most people have to say. I believe most people have an ulterior motif behind what they do. God's working on me. He's helping me to tear down walls, but it's going to be a long process. All in all, life's good. I have my moments, but that's to be expected. I have a testimony now, but I know it will be greater in time!